Be Positive

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More from You Say More Than You Think by Janine Driver:

It doesn't matter if you are speaking with a barricaded person, and interviewee, or a date, remember that the person in front of you has pride. Rather than being negative and saying, "Don't lie to me," suggest the quality you want to see. As my friend James Cavanaugh, ATF Special Agent in Charge always says, "Credit people with the quality you want them to produce and normally they'll accept it, even feel bound to it."

Who are you more likely to be receptive to - someone who recognizes your positive characteristics or belittles you by detailing each flaw?

For instance, this morning my son was playing with an elaborate pop-up book while I was on the phone with one of my sisters. At first I said, “Angus, please put the book back, I’ll read it to you when I get off the phone.” He ignored me and continued to play with the book. Then I tried QWQ [Question, Wait, Question]: “Angus, you’re a good listener, right?”

He smiled and said, “Yes.”

“Do you think you’re the best listener in the whole world?” I asked.
He laughed and responded, “YES!”

Then I added, “I know you’re the best listener in the whole world; that’s one of the things I many things I love about you. When I ask you to do something, you do it faster than any other kid I know.” He smiled. Then I said, “Angus, please put your book back and I’ll play with you when I’m done.” And he put the book back and began playing with a toy dinosaur instead.

the right side

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From You Say More Than You Think by Janine Driver:

Every person has an on/off switch for rapport, a "right" or more open side of her body. Knowing which side of a person's body is more comfortable for her, and which side makes her uneasy, can make for really effective body language... Once you know a person’s right [positive/good] side, you can use it in many powerful ways.

Less than a month later, one of the mothers from the event sent me an e-mail. Her relationship with her husband (physically and emotionally) had gone downhill since their early courtship, so after the class, she had decided to try out my rule with him. She changed the sheets and had them sleep on opposite sides of the bed. He was intrigued. (And by “intrigued,” I’ll refer you to the previous chapter, “Work Your Naughty Bits.”)
This change may not sound revolutionary. But consider that she discovered that she prefers people on her right side, and her husband had been sleeping on her left side for years. Literally overnight, they reconnected with each other, got a major boost in the bedroom, and had an improved relationship with the rest of their family, too.