vulnerable is good for you

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I'm thinking I need to catch up on TedTalks...

A summary of some of the good stuff from this talk by Dr. Brene Brown - http://anonymous8.com/women-talk/why-being-vulnerable-is-good-for-you/

The only difference between those who have a strong sense of love and belonging and those who don’t is this: those who have a strong sense of love and belonging BELIEVE they are WORTHY of love and belonging.

1. Have the courage to be imperfect.

2. Have the compassion to be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others.

3. Be authentic, let go of who you think you should be to be who you are. You can't have connection without authenticity.

4. Embrace vulnerability. What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. Vulnerability isn't necessarily comfortable or excruciating, it's simply necessary. It's the willingness to say I love you first, to act without guarantees, to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.

And what do the whole-hearted say? Instead of saying, “I am not thin enough, or I am not tall enough, or I am not pretty enough, or I am not interesting enough, or I am not rich enough,” they say, “I am enough.”

Vulnerability is captivating and reverence-inducing for me, in a way. It's like an instant "Handle with Care" label that signifies something extremely valuable might be in that box, and I can't help wanting to follow the label's instructions, and see what rare or beautiful thing is inside...

four phrases

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Four phrases blogger Tara Pringle Jefferson suggests incorporating into your relationship, from blackandmarriedwithkids.com


“Can I help you with anything?” I would love, love, love to hear this phrase at least once a day. Is it unrealistic? I have no clue. But there’s something about your spouse offering their help without you having to ask for it. Of course, this works best when it’s a two-way street, so if I want my husband to leap to my assistance, I better not disappear when he’s knee-deep in yardwork.

“You really look beautiful/handsome/sexy/hot today.” Sometimes we get so caught up in the day-to-day minutiae that the chance to just look at our partner and marvel at how sexy they still are after all these years (or months). Especially if you don’t have much time together during the day and your evenings are spent wrestling kids into the bed and passing out promptly afterward. Give your partner an unexpected compliment every other day and I bet you things will only get better.

“What would I do without you?” I usually ask my husband this question at least once a week, after he’s swooped in and fixed whatever problem I was trying to solve. He might not jump for joy every time I say it, but by continually expressing how much I value his place in my life, we strengthen our bond.

“What can I do to make this better?” My husband asked me this after an argument we had a while ago. Not only did it make it easier to accept his apology (and really, it wasn’t a big deal to begin with), but we both had a sense of how we were going to move forward, which is crucial when dealing with matters of the heart.