Saturday, October 24, 2009
the one
from Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage: Unlocking the Secrets to Life, Love, and Marriage by Mark Gungor:
The idea that there is just one special person for me - my soul mate - comes from an alleged altercation between the human race and the Greek god Zeus. It was thought that our undying pursuit of perfect love is the result of Zeus's scheme to keep us busy - far away from meddling in the domain of the gods. Those of us in Evangelical circles have even taken this to a whole new level by encouraging parents to start praying for that "one special person" that God has chosen for our child while he or she is still young. Rather than praying that our children embrace righteousness, justice, wisdom, sacrifice, goodness, et cetera - all things that would make them wonderful mates to whomever they chose to commit their lives to - we are praying for that "special one" that God has already chosen for our child. Zeus be praised, I guess.
The Bible never tells us to find the one God has chosen. It teaches us how to live well with the person we have chosen. And there is a distance of infinitude between those two thoughts. The first assumes that life, love, romance, and marriage are part of God's divine plan and, therefore, depend more on God than on us. The second, and more biblical, line of thought tells us that successful life, love, romance, and marriage are the result of a couple living by God's principles - principles that never fail. But this version, which places true love and marriage on the footing of human choice and responsibility, just isn't nearly as romantic or seductive. The truth is, a successful marriage is not the result of marrying the "right" person, feeling the "right" emotions, thinking the "right" thoughts, or even praying the "right" prayers. It's about doing the "right" things - period.
I generally agreed with Grugor, although there's a verse in Proverbs that might make one question the extremity of his opinion -
House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the Lord. Prov 19:14
While I don't think it proves that God of the Bible intends one special woman for one certain man, it does indicate that a prudent wife is a gift that He purposefully blesses a man with. Is the verse saying a prudent wife is an inheritance from the Lord? Or does the "but" indicate a completely opposite idea of inheritance? How exactly God or fate or the universe orchestrates the giving of that gift is beyond me, and I whole-heartedly support that it's focusing on building one's own character that will most likely attract the amazing person we hope to be gifted with.
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Quite agree... the theory that there's a soul mate out there for every person simply throws out the possibility of marrying again after a spouse has died (not to mention the fact that we will be like angels in heaven- Matt 22:23-30).
ReplyDeleteI have asked many Godly couples how they knew that they had married the right person, and almost always their answer would be the same: they just knew. There's no great mystery to the question of who to marry, it's a decision people make, and it's the first of many throughout their marriage. Although marriage vows are taken during the marriage ceremony, it takes a choice every day to wake up and love, honor and cherish the one they have chosen- which is best accomplished with God's help.
It bugs the crap out of me when people mistake hollywood romance as their definition of love. Love is self-sacrifice, defined better in 1 Cor 13.
A good article I just recently posted on FB cocerning "the right person" can be found here: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002148.cfm
thanks so much for sharing jr! that was a great article. did you happen to have any more thoughts than me on Prov 19:14, what that verse might indicate about God's involvement in bringing people together? it'd be great to have a guy's opinion =)
ReplyDeleteSolomon was very "matter of fact" in this case, that only the Lord can bring about a prudent wife- contrasted with houses and wealth which are inherited (or earned). This idea goes all the way back to Adam and Eve... God made a suitable helper for Adam. I could go into the comparison of a man being united with his wife just as the church is united w/ Christ, but that's a bit of a tangent.
ReplyDeleteOn a personal level, I struggled between the thought of a man being the one who pursues and the act of waiting on the Lord for the right time and person. Pr. 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord". The word "finds" in this verse is not the same "find" in Matt 7:7. In Matthew, he who seeks, finds; whereas after searching, he finds the thing sought after. In Proverbs, however, he who finds a wife is more of a "oh, would you look at that... there's a beautiful girl right next to me". So, I will choose to pray and seek God's will first and foremost, and maintain my faith that he knows what's best for me and hope that he will give me the desires of my heart.
As for the other events in the history of jr, are they not written in the book of the annals of the kings? ha ha, sry, it's my sense of humor coming out :)