a pearl of choice

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From Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs:

Think of a speck of sand. If the sand gets in the human eye, it causes irritation, then infection, and if not cared for, eventually loss of vision. But put that same speck of sand in an oyster. It causes irritation, then secretion, and eventually the oyster forms a pearl. Was the sand the primary cause of the results in the eye? Was the sand the primary cause of the results in the oyster? No. If it were, the results would be the same. The sand was an agent that revealed the inner properties of the eye and of the oyster. In a real sense, when life with your spouse causes irritation, you can let it develop into an infection or you can allow it to become a pearl...

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you. You can experience disappointment, but it is your choice to disrespect or be unloving...

I CAN EXPERIENCE HURT, but it is my choice to hate.

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And from Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas:

If we view the marriage relationship as an opportunity to excel in love, it doesn't matter how difficult the person is who we are called to love; it doesn't matter even whether than love is ever returned. We can still excel at love. We can still say, "like it or not, I'm going to love you like nobody ever has."