for shame

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From How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny:

"Some women have no clue how critical and demeaning they are to men. When confronted with their critical behavior, the most common reaction is disbelief. Reflecting on this fact, Pat thought it might be interesting to list 101 ways to shame a man without trying. Off the top of her head, she came up with well over 50 ways she had done so, inadvertantly or otherwise, in her own relationships..."

For an eye opener, choose true or false for the following statements (choose "true" if it applies to you at least sometimes).

1. I exclude him from important decisions.


2. I don't always give him a chance to help.


3. I correct things he says.


4. I question his judgment.


5. I give him unsolicited advice.


6. I suggest how he should feel.


7. I ignore his advice.


8. I imply that he's inadequate in certain areas.


9. I'm often stressed or in a bad mood.


10. I think that he should at least match my use of time and energy.


11. When he says I overreact, I think that he just doesn't understand.


12. I ignore his needs that I don't think are important.


13. I focus on what I don't have instead of what I have.


14. I withhold praise because I think he doesn't really deserve it or because I don't want him to get the big head.


15. I use a harsh tone to get through to him.


16. I pay more attention to other people's needs than his.


17. I undermine his wishes.


18. I am condescending to him.


19. I lack respect for his work.


20. I show little interests in his interests.


21. I criticize his family.


22. I interpret the "real meaning" of what he says and does.


23. I compare him to other men or, worse, to my girlfriends.


24. I don't take his point of view seriously.


25. I believe that he just can't see my unhappiness.


26. I think he fails to make me happy


27. If I'm unhappy, I tell him he must be unhappy, too.


28. I roll my eyes when I think of some of the things he says and does.


29. He says I give him "the look"


30. I am sometimes sarcastic to make my point or express my dissatisfaction with his behavior.


31. I use ridicule to get through to him.


32. I usually have a "better way" of doing things.


33. Sometimes I think he's a jerk.


34. I have to tell him what he's doing wrong.


35. I tell him that he never helps me enough.


36. He can't handle my feelings.


37. I believe that if his childhood or previous relationships were different we wouldn't have these problems.


38. I think that I understand relationships better than he does.


39. I think I do more than he does.


40. My friends treat me better than he does.


41. He disappoints me.

Guilty ={

"Where there is a withdrawn or silent man, there is usually a critical woman."