it's a breakup because it's broken

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Even for someone in full remission from their last breakup, It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken by Greg Behrendt is an insightful and encouraging read. Especially if you recognize some of their recommendations as steps you managed to take all by yourself during the "self-esteem crushing, spirit breaking, gut-wrenchingly painful" experience of surviving a breakup.

The book is awesome, I couldn't really extract inspiring snippets for your benefit because as Greg and Amiira say, "there is no one-sentence cure for the common or uncommon breakup, even if it is a really good sentence. The only thing we know for sure is that this bummer of an event can actually be life-changing. It was for both of us. Hopefully, you'll look back and be thankful for it when you're living your kick-[butt] life with the right person who makes you an even bigger superstar than you already are."

A year and a half ago I would've writhed at the complete insensitivity of those words, even though I hoped to say them myself on some future day like today. I do want to share an excerpt from the end of the book I feel holds a lot of truth whether your relationship was truly horribly awful, or you were both just absolutely, amazingly, simply... not right for each other.

So what does it mean to really love yourself? Above all else, loving yourself means that you feel complete when you're on your own. Not only is that an extremely gratifying place to be emotionally, but it's also a very alluring quality when it comes to romantic relationships. People don't feel like they have to be responsible for your life, because you are responsible for yourself. "So is that what men want, someone who loves themselves?" you ask. Who cares? It's time to figure out what you want. Loving yourself and feeling complete isn't about catching a man–that's an added bonus that comes later. Your emotional growth and well-being should start with you, not someone else, and it should be for you, not someone else.

And we'd both done a lot of work on ourselves. Not just the "I lost weight, do I look good in these pants?" variety, but the "Why do I end up in these [crappy] relationships?" kind. The kind where you try to look at your problems objectively and figure out what part you played in them, even if your part was just routinely showing up for a bad time. The cool thing about this kind of perspective is that it keeps you from being the victim. Victims blame others. But if you recognize the part you played, you can do something about it in the future to not get involved in a similar kind of situation, or at least see it for what it is before it's too late. So right now, it's time to take a closer look at you and take some responsibility. Not just for the things you might have done wrong, but also the things you've been doing right for so long that you–or he–refused to acknowledge. One of the great joys in life is getting to a place where you really actually like yourself. Not the idea of who you think you are, or who you want to become, but the imperfect, awesome, living soul reading this sentence right now. The only way to do any of this is by exploring you.

You're doing it right now. You're currently participating just by reading this book. It means you are taking action, looking for answers, moving away from the pain and in the right direction. You are a seeker. You have what many don't– the willingness to look, the willingness to listen, and the willingness to learn. So stop right there and applaud yourself, since we're not there to give you the standing ovation you deserve. Bravo to you Superfox Breakup Warrior! Keep on doing what you're doing!

=)