romance

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Myths Men Have About Women (from Husbands and Wives by Kinder and Cowan)

Myth #1: Most women think friendship is the same as romance.

"Rachel, married 16 years, finds that when she tries to get close to Alex, her husband, he immediately thinks she wants to be romantic. 'He knows I do like being romantic, but I also want to be a friend to Alex. He is the one who confuses the two, and doesn't trust any suggestion I make. If I want to have a simple quiet weekend away, he thinks it means we're supposed to be gazing into each other's eyes over candlelit dinners. That's just not so.'"

I can sympathize with Rachel. I've been pegged as a write-me-poems-then-buy-me-flowers-chocolate-jewelry-and-you-BETTER-not-forget-my-birthday kind of girl, despite a lack of supporting evidence. While I love coming up with cute and clever gifts, things are not necessarily my idea of romance =)

Kinder and Cowan's advice:
"Alex needs to realize that much of Rachel's wish for closeness and interaction is a reflection of her desire for a richer friendship with him, not some devious plot to ensnare him in some cloying romantic interlude. Rachel should suggest very specific plans for a weekend outing that include a number of possible activities she and Alex could do together. Some men's discomfort with closeness and romance is elevated by vague, open-ended time spent. For such men, the more specific the plan, the greater the comfort and opportunity for warm, shared experiences."

While activities aren't exactly suggestible if one's significant other is an ocean apart in dangerous conditions, it is helpful to think about alternative methods of reassuring the romance-wary and candlelight-phobic =)