incompatibility: grounds for a great marriage

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take-aways from "incompatibility: grounds for a great marriage" by chuck and barb snyder

hes more likely to fix the neighbors faucet because she tells him how talented and wonderful he is and the best he gets out of you is a grumbly its about time. its never too late to start expressing your thanks (whether you feel hes done enough to deserve it or not), it can turn a lazy spouse into a hero.

love each other when you feel like it, when you don't, and until you do. love is actions, not feelings. there will be good feelings, but after you do the right thing not before.

be godly wives in spite of your husbands failures. one husband got up in front of the whole congregation and said that God had gotten his attention on this issue because his wife had begun "anointing his feet." if the wife is being the woman God wants her to be, then the man is resisting only God - and He has effective ways of dealing one-on-one with wayward kids.

its easy to equate headship and leadership with decision making. don't make decisions until you have your partners agreement. pushing ahead to have your own way will make you both unhappy in the end.

communication - are we guilty of thinking what were going to add to the conversation instead of thinking about the other persons feelings and words? when was the last time you listened two full minutes to your spouse (or friends!) without adding comments or making suggestions for why they were off target? if your spouse NEVER makes comments, are you doing anything to discourage their input?

when you know how the other person really feels, you can handle it. it is not knowing that's so hard - resist reading into what another person says and does

allow each other to be different, especially in the little things. say its ok rather than its wrong.

the good gardener examines his garden, provides the warm atmosphere and materials needed to bring it to full maturity - our spouses will radiate back to us exactly what we are giving to them.

blessed are the peacemakers... he didn't say peaceKEEPERS, but peaceMAKERS. on the surface, the peacekeeper (i.e. the one who avoids conflict instead of trying to resolve it) appears calm but inside there is a boiling cauldron of unspoken thoughts which can turn into a root of bitterness and a big messy blowup later (i speak from experience).

there are five basic love languages - touch, talking (or communication), serving, giving gifts, and encouraging words. we tend to talk to others in our own language - some people hug a lot, some people wash dishes and mow the neighbors lawn, some give flowers and clothes and jewelry, etc. find out what your spouses love language is and try talking to them in that language instead of your own.